New Year's Eve 2014

Bye 2014 
I cannot believe we're just hours away for a new year. I'm here sitting in my room, thinking; thinking about how blessed that I've been this year. Our lord, Jesus Christ, has allowed me and family to live another year and I'm thankful. Perhaps 2014, was not my year for achieving what I thought I would have but I know that this upcoming 2015 will be. I might have been delaying it, so I blame myself but not allowing myself to succeed. I'm afraid, you see and I should not be; it's true what people say, the world is a scary place. I need to take a risk and go out there and show the world what I'm made of. Perhaps it may be scary at first but I know I will learn. 2014 has been great for me, allowing me to experience a lot of new things.

• La Raza's Winter Retreat in Chula Vista 
• My "24th" Birthday, my sister bought me tickets to see Prince Royce. 
• Got Tickets to iHeart Radio Fiesta Latina
• I got to see Ricky Martin, Daddy Yankee, Jesse y Joy and Prince Royce
• Went on a cruise to Ensenada with my friends
• Saw Taylor Swift on Jimmy Kimmel Live (Doesn't count cuz, I actually didn't see her but I was there.)

Wonderful memories that I will cherish. Even though that things didn't work out between Jesus, I'm grateful that he walked back into my life and being able to let him go. Now, I am free and happy to do what I want without carrying my past. 2014 chapter is closing in a couple of hours before I begin the year right and I hope that this year I can make the right decisions in both my personal and professional life. This afternoon, my sister and I walked to Ralph's that is approximately the other side of town and we walked we talked about 2014 and things were proud and the things were are ashamed of. Then I brought up the whole how today ends another book of our lives and how tomorrow starts a new one. For example. for me it would be Margarita's Life Volume XXVI and for my sister would be Nancy's Life Volume XX. 

I'm glad that the year is over but I'm also scared about what this upcoming year will bring. I'm terrified actually. I've spent all day thinking about new year's resolutions but it's harder than I thought. I hope by tomorrow I have a set clear of my goals. 

However, there is one thing that I do want to share about 2014 and I think it's important to focus on 2015. One whole year has passed since I graduated from CSULB and you know what happens when one doesn't do anything in that year, they lose themselves and that's what happen to me. I lost the sight of person who I was in college. I lost the engagement I had for my community, my passionate and determination to get things done. 2014, I've been blinded with useless ideas and "hobbies" that I forgot. In 2015, I will get her back and finally get where I want to be.

Bye 2014. I will miss you...

Margarita's Last Post of the Year, 2014


Signing off, Margarita H.

P.S. I'm moving to another blog next year.

Song of the Week

Blank Space- Taylor Swift

Nice to meet you

Where you been?

I could show you incredible things

Magic, madness, heaven, sin

Saw you there and I thought oh my god

Look at that face, you look like my next mistake

Love's a game, wanna play

New money, suit and tie

I can read you like a magazine

Ain't it funny rumors fly

And I know you heard about me

So hey, let's be friends

I'm dying to see how this one ends

Grab your passport and my hand

I could make the bad guys good for a weekend

So it's gonna be forever

Or it's gonna go down in flames

You can tell me when it's over

If the high was worth the pain

Got a long list of ex-lovers

They'll tell you I'm insane

Cause you know I love the players

And you love the game

Cause we're young and we're reckless

We'll take this way too far 

It'll leave you breathless

Or with a nasty scar

Got a long list of ex-lovers

They'll tell you I'm insane

But I got a blank space baby

And I'll write your name

Cherry lips

Crystal skies

I could show you incredible things

Stolen kisses, pretty lies

You're the king baby I'm your queen

Find out what you want

Be that girl for a month

But the worst is yet to come

Oh no

Screaming, crying, perfect storms

I could make all the tables turn

Rose garden filled with thorns

Keep you second guessing like oh my god

Who is she? I get drunk on jealousy

But you'll come back each time you leave

Cause darling I'm a nightmare dressed like a daydream

So it's gonna be forever

Or it's gonna go down in flames

You can tell me when it's over

If the high was worth the pain

Got a long list of ex-lovers

They'll tell you I'm insane

Cause you know I love the players

And you love the game

Cause we're young and we're reckless

We'll take this way too far and leave you breathless

Or with a nasty scar

Got a long list of ex-lovers

They'll tell you I'm insane

But I got a blank space baby

And I'll write your name

Boys only want love if it's torture

Don't say I didn't say I didn't warn you

Boys only want love if it's torture

Don't say I didn't say I didn't warn you

So it's gonna be forever

Or it's gonna go down in flames

You can tell me when it's over

If the high was worth the pain

Got a long list of ex-lovers

They'll tell you I'm insane

Cause you know I love the players

And you love the game

Cause we're young and we're reckless

We'll take this way too far and leave you breathless

Or with a nasty scar

Got a long list of ex-lovers

They'll tell you I'm insane

But I got a blank space baby

And I'll write your name

Javier Garza

What was I thinking when I accepted his friend request? I wasn't and that's the problem. I often make rushing decisions without analyzing the consequences and later I'm face with those consequences. I should have known that his presence back in my life would cause me discomfort and for unresolved feelings to resurface, but I was to naive to see the red flags. 

Why do I keep putting myself into these situations? Maybe I enjoy making reckless mistakes, or I like drama in my life or because I'm desperately seeking for a guy's attention. Whatever the reason it may be, I'm still acting like an immature person who cannot let herself to be respected. I am bothered that I let anyone walked into my life and take over my life. Javier is no exception, I allowed his decisions to be my decisions. I was so blind by his personality and good looks to influence me to follow his lead rather than making my own decisions.  

This upcoming year, I've decided to start fresh and in order for me to that Javier cannot be in my life anymore. So, right before the new year begins I will un-friend on Facebook and erase anything related to him from my life. To be honest, it's going to hurt me more than him and I doubt he will even notice that I'm no longer there. In Javier's eyes, I was simply just another girl he could use and manipulate; and I doubt I'm not the only one. Just a click on un-friend and I will be good. 

Nonetheless, before the chapter with Javier Garza is over, I want to share with you all how I met him and he became a weight on my shoulder.  Please don't judge for that things I'm going to say; I was in a dark place in that time of my life. 

This all started because of a social media site called Myspace. When I was in high school, Facebook hadn't yet emerged as a social media site like how it is today, Myspace was the popular social media site included features choosing a profile song (I would change mines every week, lol), making you think about your friends (top 4, top 8 and even top 10 friends) and personalized our page with various themes. It was truly amazing. 

It was the year 2009 and I was 19, a sophomore in college, only and desperate that I was I turned to Myspace for comfort. One of the features of Myspace was the ability to browse for people, so one afternoon, I decided to sit down in front of my computer and so a complete search of guys around my area and that's how I found Javier. That same afternoon I added him as friend knowing that there was a change he was not going to accept. To my surprise hours later, he accepted my request and from there we started to message each other every so often until we exchanged numbers and talk almost everyday. We would talk for hours without worrying about school the next day. Then the day arrived when we decided it would be nice to meet each other.  On June 28 that same year we met at the South Gate movie theater, Edwards Theater by Garfield and Firestone. 

I was the first to arrive to the theater, my parents had driven me, knowing that I was meeting up with a friend (which I was not). 45 minutes later and there was no sign of him and realized he wasn't going to show up. So I asked if we could leave... but right before my dad turned on te car he had shown up. I had gotten off the car and greeted him. Javier was tall, like 5'7, brown-white skin wearing a light blue Aeropostale shirt with black skinny jeans. To be honest, I didn't find him attractive, I believe it was because he still had his baby face. I recalled my parents wanted to meet him and I rolled my eyes of the embarrassment 

 Our conversations were a bit quiet, however I do recall the first compliment gave me, "You don't look 19, you look like 16." I smiled. The movie we saw that night was Drag me to Hell. A sucky movie, I know but back then I was a scary cat so I was frighten throughout the movie and I thought he would hold me but he didn't. At the end of the night, we waited by the stairs for our parents to pick us up, because neither of us could drive, while we waited we looked at each other and smiled. 

I was not so sure why I liked him so much, he wasn't much of a talker. Who knows? 

Javier Garza is finally over... Or is it? 

#movingon #javiergarza  #finally #2009 #2014 

New Location

LYNWOOD, CA-   Today I report from the city of

Getting inspired

Lynwood in a little coffee shop called Starbucks.

This morning I woke up with full energy and  I couldn't let this energy go to waste. Just kidding that's not the reason that I'm here. Today I decided to do something different in my routine and due to certain circumstances I had to leave my home to fix some issues that I'm having. So, I took this like an excellent opportunity to come to Starbucks to enhance my writing skills. I always wanted to sit down in a coffee shop and study but unfortunately I never got the chance to do when I was in college. So, now I have the chance to do so except for the studying part. Instead of studying, I've decided to write, and so far I've been productive.

Every writer moves from location to location in hopes to find their inspiration for their writing and I am not the exception. Perhaps, I'm not a writer, per se but I do consider myself as writer in the making. Like a writer, just give me a cup of coffee and some music I'm ready to work. I've been here for almost two hours and I have been truly inspired by the people who walk in the shop. I actually feel like a writer, I have my laptop, along with my cup of coffee (that got cold) and my music. I might make this a weekly habit. The location is not the only thing new that I tried, I also decided to order something that I never tried. I ordered a Grande Caramel Macchiato, something that my sister suggested so took her word for it and I'm glad that I did. It was delicious.

One thing that I've noticed since my arrival to the shop is the people. It's interesting to see the variety of people who walk in the door. I noticed some walking in and out while others stay in and enjoy their drink with their friends.  However there is something interesting that I never expected to see. I don't know if you may know but Starbucks offers free Wi-fi at their coffee shop and what I've noticed is how people approach the shop only to use the service. In other words, not buying a drink but to use the wi-fi. I mean, literally standing by the door, can you make it more obvious? I've seen at least 5 people using the free service.


MH<3

Alexander Mora Venancio

Alexander Mora

This past Sunday the family of Alexander Mora, one of the 43 students who went missing on September 26 received the confirmation of his death. Nearly 2 months after the students were kidnapped by the police, people at the forensic department have identified pieces of human remains found in a local trash dump. The Mexican officials have identified him to be Alexander Mora Venancio. After months of tormented and distressed about his disappearance one family can finally begin to heal. While other parents still refused to believe that their children are dead, despite the fact that the people who were responsible of the killing had confessed to the crime. Many families are still in hopes that they children are still alive and will be found soon.

One boy can rest in peace, while the others are still missing, will there be hope in finding the others or will it be a lost cause?

#justice #42stillmissing #mexico #prayformexico 

Song of the Day

I Knew You Were Trouble- Taylor Swift

Once upon a time, a few mistakes ago
I was in your sights, you got me alone
You found me, you found me
You found me-e-e-e-e
I guess you didn't care and I guess I liked that
And when I fell hard, you took a step back
Without me, without me
Without me-e-e-e

And he's long gone
When he's next to me
And I realize, the blame is on me

'Cause I knew you were trouble when you walked in
So shame on me now, flew me to places I'd never been
Till you put me down
Oh I knew you were trouble when you walked in
So shame on me now, flew me to places I'd never been
Now I'm lying on the cold hard ground

Oh, oh, trouble, trouble, trouble
Oh, oh, trouble, trouble, trouble

No apologies, he'll never see you cry
Pretends he doesn't know that he's the reason why
You're drowning, you're drowning
You're drowning-ing-ing-ing-ing
And I heard you moved on from whispers on the street
A new notch in your belt is all I'll ever be
And now I see, I now I see
I now I see-e-e-e-e

He was long gone
When he met me
And I realize the joke is on me
Hey!

I knew you were trouble when you walked in
So shame on me now, flew me to places I'd never been
Till you put me down
Oh I knew you were trouble when you walked in
So shame on me now, flew me to places I'd never been
Now I'm lying on the cold hard ground

Oh, Oh, trouble, trouble, trouble
Oh, Oh, trouble, trouble, trouble

When the saddest fear
Comes creeping in
That you never loved me... or her or anyone or anything
Yeah!

I knew you were trouble when you walked in
So shame on me now, flew me to places I'd never been
Till you put me down
Oh I knew you were trouble when you walked in
So shame on me now, flew me to places I'd never been
Now I'm lying on the cold hard ground

Oh, Oh, trouble, trouble, trouble
Oh, Oh, trouble, trouble, trouble

I knew you were trouble when you walked in
Trouble, trouble, trouble
I knew you were trouble when you walked in
Trouble, trouble, trouble!

Bye November, Hello to December

Bye November, Hello December.  Another month passed us by and yet I have not found my path through life. I have slip an entire year with no leads to what direction should my life be headed but I'm blessed to have lived it.

December is not only about receiving gifts, waiting for the new year or spending time with our loved ones, but a time of waiting. Waiting for the birth of Jesus Christ. All year I have been blessed to have gained a relationship with God. Even though it's not a perfect relationship because there are still things to sort out but I have literally taken upon myself to gain his trust again. This month of December is a time of waiting for hope and peace. The birth of Jesus Christ is a very special day in the Catholic community, it's the rejoice in the world. I also think that his birth we wait for HOPE.

I know in the last couple of months have not been for families and communities around the world. War and consent violence in their countries and corruption in their own government. This is why this December I want pray for peace and for answers for these families and communities. We should not feared of something that is suppose to protect us. We need justice and peace in the communities of these people. #Ferguson #Mexico

December is the last chapter of 2014 and we should make it a special one.

Netherlands vs. Mexico

Carlos Vela (11) & Javier "Chicharito" Hernandez (14)

Friendly or Revenge?

After their last encounter in the 2014's World Cup in Brazil this past June, today Mexico decided to give it all to get revenge on what was stolen from them. As you may or may not recall, the official from the game had called a penalty on a play that was clearly not one. Right before the so call penalty, the game had been tied (1-1), the game would have gone to extra time. However, due to the penalty Netherlands won the game not allowing Mexico to fight for their chance to advance.

This game was not only a great importance because of the so-call "revenge" from Mexico to Netherlands but also to welcome back Carlos Vela back to the team. Within the first 8 minutes of the game, Carlos Vela, the "prodigy son" scored and gave Mexico the lead. It was simply amazing to see him play again, I don't recall the last time that I saw him play; it was more amazing to see him play along with El Chicharito. The first half ended, Mexico was in the lead with the goal from Vela. As soon as the second half started, a goal from Netherlands was made. However, the scored turned around when two goals were made from Vela in minutes 61 and Chicharito in minute 69. The score was 3-1 at that point. It was to soon to celebrate Mexico's victory. Netherlands made their second goal. Here is a clip of goals:

The game ended with the score of 3-2 in favor of Mexico. Not only the goals from Carlos Vela and Javier "Chicarito" Hernandez helped but also Mexico's defense helped Mexico maintain Netherlands from scoring.

Carlos Vela made his return to the team a remarkable one by scoring two goals. Will we see more him in the games? I hope so.


#Mexico #You Got Served

Our Vote Counts

It's November 4th, it's General Elections day, to be more specific it's called midterm elections.It's that time of year again; the time to go to the polls and vote on various propositions and/or elected government officials. I know this year's elections aren't about electing a new president but that doesn't mean we should not go out and vote. Our votes still stand for something, our voice in the community. I know many people don't believe in the voting process and think it's ridiculous to think that our vote counts. Believe it or not, I think that our vote counts. Our votes express our opinions and concerns about the issues that are taking place in our state. People might be thinking, "why should I bother if it's only state issues?"  If we really want to see some change in our community, even the smallest change, we must do something about it such as voting.

The issues may not always seem interesting, such as Prop 1, the drought issue in California, but issues such as that one, are the ones that we should care about and vote about a decision that they may or may not affect our state. If people only come out to vote when it's national election, what does that say about our community, in the Latino and Black community? Where are those people who were the national election in November 2012? As I remember back then, I had to wait for almost an hour in line to vote, and  know there is hardly a line. Just because it's midterms elections and there is no presidential candidate for the running, doesn't mean that you don't get to vote. In the contrary these elections are crucial because due to the low turn out rate in the polls, a decision will be made and people may not be in favor in. 

Not all people who want to vote can vote, so it's important for us who are citizens to use our right to make our voice heard. 

I just voted, have you?

This year, just like times before I went to vote by myself, neither my sister and my mother bother to go vote. There reasons were that they had no time to bother reading the propositions and due to lack of information they could not vote. I understand, one cannot vote just because they want to but they need to know what they are voting to. It's better to be educated with the matters in hand instead of just guessing. 

To be honest, I was a bit unsure about my votes that I had chosen prior to my arrival to the polling place. I looked over at my sample ballet, which I already had mark my votes. I was all set to vote and as I placed my marks, I stumbled upon two different votes that I got stuck on. At the end I completely voted for something else, let's hope it was for the better otherwise I will feel bad. 

Everyone has their reason for not voting. I understand each individual has their own viewpoint of the voting process and if they believe in it or not. 

Not all people who want to vote can vote, so it's important for us who are citizens to use our right to make our voice heard.

#vote #elections2014  #letourvoicebeheard

MH <3

***Results just came in and I'm not liking them not one bit. 

Conflicted

Believe me, I don't like to over complicate my life but I just wish I knew what my guy friends are thinking when they talk to me. Sometimes I doubt myself if any of them are truly my friends, I have been thinking about this for a while now ever since my last encounter with a particular person. How do they really see me? Do you see me for who I am, a human being or just a pass time, something they hold on to until something better comes along. I know I'm doing in thinking this way but based my prior experience with guys I came up with this conclusion. I have been wanting to discuss this matter but been afraid to. All my life I have been occupied with guys/ boys instead of focusing what really matters, myself. Anyhow, back to the topic about my guy friends. I feel like I give this vibe like I'm interested in having a Friends with Benefits situation, which I'm not. Knowing what they want I still continue to talk to them in hoping it will go away, but soon after another one appears, like the appear out of thin air. Creepy. I keep talking to him, thinking that there is still hope in them and realize what they are asking from me is wrong.

 The thing about me is that I always see good in people, even people who might take advantage of my friendly attributes. I wish I could think clearly about what I really want, if I really want to be place in the position of the sidelines, like last time. I'm over the whole Friends with Benefits concept, first of all it doesn't exist and second of all I'm not that type of girl who allows herself to be treated like that. I'm a traditional young women who grew up in a society that allows such behavior to exist. I wish I could be more like my friends who are more free to do what they want but I can't, I didn't grow up that way. I cannot live freely, I have my own values that I live by and cannot go against them. Even though I had a phase in which I didn't care about anything, in a past where I didn't know myself and GOD. A little by little I got closer to GOD and think about what is actually going on with my life and the lifestyle I have been living has not been a great one.

Now, I'm conflicted. My life has been full of conflicts between two worlds, one stands my culture roots and values and other side the society and it's influences. I should not conflicted if I know I have GOD within me.


#conflict  #whoamIreally? #lifeisaquestionmark

The Weekend

It's Monday, again. The start of a new week is always difficult for some people; for them, the weekend is a form of freedom from work or school. When Monday strolls back, they are either happy or not returning back to their normality. I mean, they are allowed to have fun during the week too but the weekend allows you to do other things that you can't do during the week such as, going to Disneyland, going shopping, etc. You are still able to do these things if you have a day off but I hope you get my point. The weekend for some people is to release stress from school and/or work, to be free and have fun with their friends and love ones.

I recalled those many times that I tended to be stress out with essays and exams, that after the madness of stressing out, I decided to go out with my friends clubbing. The feeling of just dancing around made me feel at peace, I was letting out the energy of test on the dance floor. Those were the days, I mean I don't miss stressing out or anything but I do miss learning though.

And there are people who take the weekend to rest and recharged themselves for the week. I would like to think that the type of people, are those who work, especially teachers who have to prep themselves for the upcoming week. I know for a fact that prepping a lesson plan takes a lot of work because my mom is a teacher and I see her every Sunday night getting her materials ready for Monday. I know when I start working I will take my weekend to careful plan my week and for sure squeeze in some fun time too.

Monday is here and is planning to stay. The only thing we can do is make a productive day out of it.



#4moredaysfortheweekend #it'sjustmonday


MH <3

Taylor Swift's 1989

Ever since Taylor Swift's new album, 1989, launched on Monday I have not stop listening to it. I'm serious; to be honest, I was not expecting to like it because I was more fond of her earlier work but now I that I had the chance to listen to the whole album more than 5 times, I must say that I absolutely love it. If I had to choose one song, it would be a difficult choice because I like them all. No, I'm serious, especially Blank Spaces, Out of the Woods and of course Shake it off.  Taylor Swift has really done herself this time, after her last album I was a bit concern about her emergence to the Pop genre. But my concerns and worries are put to rest because her emergence to the Pop genre was genius. I'm satisfied with her new album and look forward to her next album.



#taylorswift #1989


MH <3

Progress Report

I never thought I had the will power to maintain a diet, especially for four months, I feel like I have accomplished something important. Even though I have not reached the ideal weight that I wanted to be at this point but I’m satisfied with the weight I have lost. Currently I’m between 150 and 155, my scale is a little off scale sometimes and I cannot confide in it but I’m sure that I’m between those numbers. I know the scale does not define me and I should not give a lot of importance of the number but for my healthy weight purposes I will allow it. In the last few months I have been trying to slim down the junk food such as chips, candy and soda however, I’ve had my little temptations but hey I’m allow to eat whatever I want but with caution. I’m more aware about my eating habits when I’m at home, I eat in portions and I eat when I’m hungry and not because I’m bored or emotional. In the past week, actually two weeks, I have been a little unstable with my working out times; in the last two weeks I have not been working out on Thursday and Friday. It’s mainly on the circumstances such as yesterday was Halloween and I didn’t want to get my costume sweaty. I know excuses, will only do me harm than good. I need to be more firm with myself, I cannot let myself fall, not now that I’ve made so much progress. I hope that by the end of the year I could get at least to 140 and that will be a great accomplish. 

#healthyme #140hereicome

MH <3

Halloween and it's festivties

October 31 is just another regular day on my calender and don't particular like to celebrate it. In the past I have not been fond of the word Halloween and its connotations. I just believe gives a bad vibe. I must admit as a child I use to dress up and go trolling for candy at people's houses but hey it was fun getting free candy and dressing up as a character that you admire. But now that I've grown up, I see everything at different perspective. Instead of celebrating Halloween, I've learned to celebrate Dia de los Muertos, an event about honoring our loved ones by making an altar honoring them by placing personal items and such. Halloween is simply a day to excuse ourselves from reality and pretend to be something we are not. In a way, it's fun, exciting and enjoyable. This year, I decided to give dress up as Wonderman with a dead mask. Why? Well, instead of just dressing up, I wanted to give it a twist to my costume, so I decided to ask my mom to paint me a skull.

 <--- That's me, my mother is getting better at this face painting thing. I give her props for the amazing skills she has. Anyhow, the whole celebration Halloween is not related to my costume. I just happen to dress up as Wonderman today of all days, it's simply a conquincidence and the mask it's simply a representation for tomorrow's Dia de los Muertos holiday. And plus, the whole Halloween thing involves candy, which is something I don't have, so there. I'm not celebrating Halloween. 

#diadelosmuertos #ilikedressingup 

MH <3

Let's Pause for a Minute

One thing you all should know about me is that I make a big deal something that shouldn’t be overlook as a huge thing. I don’t understand the behavior of some people, you know, in one moment they are acting like a big jerk and don’t even know it and the next thing you know they are trying to deny the whole thing. I cannot go into specifics but I did encounter myself in the same situation with an old friend. I don’t want to over analyze it because I really don’t want to get myself hopes that that specific person is changed. I’m just going to go along with it and see what they want. I’m tired of letting people in and turn out they are just using me as an amusement and not for the right reasons, a friendship. I definitely want to be a different person and I cannot let the past ruin the progress that I have made thus far. 

#strong #cantletthepastdefineme 

-M<3

What Happened to Me?

Prior to writing this post, I thought hard about the topic that I should write about, but the was that I could not think of anything. Which made me realize, what have I been writing about these past years? So, I took a look at my previous blogs and after reading several posts I realized that it was my pointless drama in school. Dumb? I know right, I could not believe I wrote such things; and now that I have read them I feel I should delete each post. What's the point of having those posts, if it's only a reminder of my past and who wants that? Back then I wrote to let out how I felt in hopes I would feel better and it did. But now that time has passed, my previous posts and/or blogs don't serve me any good. Now what? I ask myself this question several times, now that I'm not longer in connection with school what am I suppose to write about? What happen to me? I guess the answer to this question is that I grew up. I'm glad that I'm no longer that person. I'm still in the fence but I know having God in life will guide me to the right path. I hope I will find my way soon and I hope to write about interesting and important things instead of my pointless drama.


Good Night. - MH

Back to CSULB

I am completely unaware about what direction my life is heading. Today I wanted to do something spontaneous, don't get me wrong I love being at home, being isolated from the world but today I wanted something different. As I rode the Metro Blue line this morning I thought about all the many times I had been riding that train to get to school. When the doors opened on 5th station, I thought about all the people who got off that same station to get to school. Happy memories. In a way, I'm glad that I don't take the blue line anymore, as you could imagine the different people that come in and go and their drama. When I stepped into campus, it was then that I felt I was a stranger on campus like I no longer belong there. I'm siting here at the third floor of the library, thinking about my life and my future and what direction it's heading to. I remember the last time I was here, it was Spring 2013 when my friend (Erick) and I decided to study together. I know I should not be thinking about that, I'm just reminiscing my college life. In a way I feel a bit of guilt; guilty in not pursing my true calling instead I conform for what I have. Ever since I graduated from CSU Long Beach, my motivation to continue my education has wired down. I try to distract my mind with other things such as my daily workout but it doesn’t always help. At the end of the day, I feel I disappointed myself, my family and God. The reason that I came back to CSULB is to remind myself what I’m capable of. Thank goodness that I have my younger sister attending CSULB so I’m allowed to check out books, otherwise I would be stuck here reading them. I have two books that I think will help me regain consciousness about myself and what I’m supposed to do one book is called Teachers as Cultural Workers by Paulo Freire and the second book is called Chicana Feminist Thought.  In college, some of my favorite classes were my Chican@/ Latin@ Studies classes, one of them being CHLS 330 Critical Issues in Chicana and Latina Studies. I got the opportunity to learn about myself and how Latinas are represented, what roles we are forced upon, among other things. I hope I can figure out what direction should I be going? 

Another Sleepless Night

It's 3 in the morning and  I cannot seem to close my eyes long enough to fall asleep. Not sure if it is because I have a lot on mind or is it simply because I'm not tired. It has to be the first one because I'm tired from a long day of shopping with my mother and my sister. One of the issues that is affecting my sleeping is my school loan. Today is the first deadline payment for my school loan and I'm in the state of motionless. I knew the day would soon arrived and until this point I have no job nor source of income, I'm afraid I won't be able to make the payments. Another issue that is keeping me awake is where am I in my life? Am I doing something productive? Am I achieving what I had hope to achieve at this point of my life? Questions such as these are coming up as each week ends. I cannot seem to picture myself anywhere, I have goals and ambitions but I cannot seem to pursue them, not because I lack in motivation but I just don't want to. Simple as that. I don't understand myself; all the years I've had spent in college and for what? Jobless and broke. I know it's the negativity talking but it's the truth. In the last recent weeks, I have been trying to push the negative energy out of my system but yesterday it just hit me. I'm the exception in my family, well my dad's side of my family; I've noticed that apart from my cousin Raul, I'm the only one who has made it thus far in life, completion of college I mean. I see everyone else married with kids. As I watched over my cousins and their families, I reflected a lot on my life and if going to college was the right path for me? (I don't regret of going to college) I just want to see how my life would have turned out if I didn't go. Other things also cross my mind, the socially awkwardness that my sister and I inherited, every time we attend a family event (usually my dad's side of the family), my sister and I get a bit quiet around them. I figured it's because we didn't grow up along with them and we're like strangers compared to my mom's side where we often got to see and hangout with my aunts and cousins. It's weird, like I became Americanized and left the whole Mexican behind. Just imagine if I grew up with my cousins how my life would be different. It's true what they say about home, school and community affect how child are raised. 

Well, now that I let a little steam out I could finally get some sleep; this girl needs to sleep otherwise, you don't want to see me in the morning. 

Goodnight. Well good morning.

A Day to Reflect

A walk in the park is all I need to think things through.

by Margarita H.

SOUTH GATE, CA-

Today I spent most of day walking with my sister at South Gate Park, located by Tweedy Blvd and Atlantic Blvd in the city of South Gate. As I walked through these paths throughout the park, I thought about a lot of things; things that have been on mind but too afraid to speak out. Finally today I was able to walk and reflect. I have been in denial for months and I'm too scared to move on with my life. As I listen to my music, I thought to myself, is this how my life is going to be like... just consistently postponing for better opportunities? I'm not unsure where my life is taking me at this point but I hope somewhere that I could help people. But anyhow, this walk in the park with my sister help me just to clear my thoughts and relax even in the under the heat.

Cannot Go Back

This past weekend I went out to celebrate my friend's Stephanie's Birthday at Pasadena along with other friends. I told myself that I was not going to consume any drinks but somehow my friends convinced me. I know I should be pressure or anything I just didn't want to be the party popper so I gave in only one glass of wine. Throughout the night I thought to myself, I can't go back to the girl who I used to be, those days in the club and drinking, ever since the party of 2011 I promised myself I was not going to given in that type of social events. Since then I've been managing myself a bit controllable when it comes to those types of social events. However, as I endure myself into those social situations I think about when I was that girl, crazy and wild, and YOLO was her motto and think how life was so easy then. Those times were different because I didn't have to worry about anything and life was just wild and free but times have changed. I have graduated college and now I have into think seriously about starting a new chapter of my life. The episode of Friday night is one that I don't want to repeat again, well not anytime soon anyways. I must confess that I did enjoy myself in that setting again but I wish  I would have handled it differently. I decided to write this post not the sake of how I'm thinking but also thinking about the foolish girl who I used to be. Guys. I think I have a bit matured regarding to guys, ever since the thing with my guy friends I haven't been putting myself out there. I guess that is because I just don't want to get hurt right now. I want to focus on getting myself settle and nothing else should matter. I've been out of school for months and I haven't found anything. The whole situation dating will come on it's own. I don't want to go back to my old self, I want to prove myself that I have change...

Peace.

Healthy Me

Yesterday, I decided to make a change in how I live my life, in the last couple of months I have been stuck at the house, literally I would just sit in front of the computer or watching TV eating what I saw lying around. It's sad to say that I have gain 35 pounds in the last few months. I'm not proud of myself, I only blame myself but I have not done anything in my life. But that's about to change, I know it's going to be a big change and it's not going to be easy but I'm willing to give it all to change. I cannot keep living like this especially if I don't feel good about myself. I know I  could do this, I just need to keep myself motivated and don't quit.

Wish me luck.

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Mexico is Out!

La Seleccion Mexicana 2014

Last Sunday, (June 29), Mexico played their last game against Netherlands, and personally I thought they had no chance in winning but I had faith they would change the game around and they did. I followed each minute of the 90 minutes which are they allowed to play and I got to say they played well, they gave it their all but it wasn't enough. When Mexico scored the first goal I screamed from my lungs, I felt my heart pumping so fast and even my dog Bobby was howling at the television, the joy I felt made me proud of my boys. In the last 10 minutes of the game I felt nervous because Mexico was losing control which made the score tied with a penalty kick. (**It was not a penalty) Few minutes later the Netherlands scored another goal assist of a corner kick. But hey, Mexico made it to the World Cup and made me proud. Until next time... 

May Day: Walk for Dreamers Rally CSULB

It was May Day at CSULB. Several organizations from campus such as Students for Quality Education (SQE), Future Underrepresented Educated Leaders (FUEL), La Raza Student Association, and Chican@/o Latin@/o Studies Student Association worked together to create a peaceful rally against CSULB administration for a Dream Resource Center for AB540 and undocumented students.
The students, community members as well as supporters met at the Speakers Platform (Front of the Bookstore) at noon. In the rally, there were several students who gave their testimonials as  undocumented students and why they are need of a dream center. After the students led a march to Brotman Hall where they voiced out their support for a Dream Resource Center on campus. The voices of the students to demand a Dream Resource Center for AB540 and undocumented students became so overwhelming for the administration, that they had to shut down the administration building itself with police surrounding the entrances, not letting a single student into the building.

Here is a clip of the rally:



The rally did become overwhelming to find out if the administration would listen to the students demands; students stood outside screaming and yelling in hopes they would listen and pay attention to their demands. I'm not sure what the end result came out at the end of the day but I'm sure this is the not their last attempt to get their dream center.

 

Todo en la vida si se puede!!!!

Trying something different

For the last couple of days I have been consistently writing on a different blog that I created, its called,  When Everything Changed. The reason that I decided to create a new blog is that I wanted to try something different, I wanted to tell one of my short stories in form of a blog. This is giving me the opportunity to rewrite the story itself, give it more detail in the characters, setting and in the plot. Honestly, it has been a difficult journey because writing is not simple, it takes a lot of thought and a lot of revision. Before I created the new blog, I had a difficult time in blogging in my usual blog; no matter how much I spent staring the blank page I would not write anything. So one day, my friends asked me when I was going to post again and that's when it hit me, my short stories could work and it has. I try to post everyday, but sometimes I'm too tired or lack of inspiration to finish it, so I leave it for the following morning. I'm glad that I decided to try something new for a change, I don't care if people don't read it, it would be great but not necessary. I write for me and if people want to read it, well I have no problem with that. Well let's see how far I could take this story too. Wish me the best.

When Everything Changed <==== Check it out.

Losing my touch?

For the last few days I have been wanting to write another blog post but I just don't know how to start. I don't know why I'm finding a difficulty in writing if writing has been my secure blanket for years and now I'm lucky if I'm able to get a sentence out. I suppose that I might be losing my touch and it sucks because writing has always been a way for me to express what I hold within. What am I suppose to do if I do indeed lose this talent? Perhaps I may not had recruited a lot of readers but I don't write for readers but for myself. For each blog post, I let out steam, I let out frustration, I let out feelings that kill me. People don't understand what one goes through in life, as an individual we face our problems, our fears, and sadness. There are people who are good at hiding these feelings while others are sensible, fragile human beings like me that can't hide. Hold on, that's a lie, I do hide, I hide between each word, in each comma and each letter. How can I lose my touch? I can not if I do, who will I be then? Just a 24- year old Latina girl, who has a college degree, jobless, still lives with her parents. I can't afford to lose this talent, writing defines who I am. I may not be great in grammar but who said in order to write we must be good at it. I'm not a professional so grammar does not apply to me, writing is a hobby and grammar does not apply. I have to apply myself each day if I want to become a daily blogger. I need inspiration to write I think that's my problem. Since I graduated from Long Beach, there has been a lack of inspiration, what inspiration, I mean drama. In a way I missed it because with it I'm able to write about it but at the same time I'm glad that I don't have deal with anything. I think I finally found peace, not only with the people who I cared about but also within myself. Letting go is hard. I guess at the end of the day, I'm not really losing my touch I just need to apply myself harder to write about more important things other than myself.

Sunday Night

For the last couple of days I have been trying to get myself together so I could write again, but the words don't come out naturally how I had hope. When I thought about what it took be a writer, I would have thought that the words and ideas would come out naturally. But in the contrary, I learn that it takes a lot of thought to get words on paper well in this case on this blog. Here, I am sitting here thinking of all the stuff I have on my mind rather than getting ready to go bed. While everyone that I know is studying or writing essays here I am just wasting my time writing...

Where life takes you...

2014. February 7

There is a point in life that you realize that you're no longer that same girl who you once were. Either she's far gone nowhere to be seen or just hidden beneath your inner self, either way you are no longer the same. This girl on the right is the person who I grew up to be, not the shy and quiet girl but the strong and fearless woman. I might of had a rough start but I have manage to get where I am today. It doesn't matter how you start what's important is that you finish.


 

2007. June 14

I cannot believe where life took me, after all the bad experiences I went through I'm glad that I'm here today. It's strange how time flies so quickly. Not to long ago, this girl on the left, my high school self, use to be me. As I think about the memories, i think about how much hurt I was carrying me within the four years in high school. No wonder I did what I did, and no wonder I didn't maintain close relationships with my high school friends. I just wish I had a guide in surviving high school, I wish had someone to walk me though my feelings and anxieties. But things work out for the best, in a way, maybe the way I wanted but I'm here now, a college grad.

As I reflect back, I think about the decisions I've made and I think about what type of person I've become. It's true what people say about it takes time to get over someone or get over a memory. It took me a while to overcome my struggles and my insecurities. And through each experience and each decision, I learned more about myself and life in general and sometimes it takes several tries to get it right.

Expression

Each time I open a new post I hear myself engaging a conversation with the world. I feel that I'm able to let out all my frustrations, worries and emptiness to the world. I sit here in the empty house where I live in and think what about everything. I think about the drought in California, the immigration reform, the violence in Mexico, the education system, among other issues occurring around the nation. My mind is full of interesting thoughts and nobody to share them until now. I will take my blogging skills and I will write about anything that fascinates me. I know in the past I have written pure drama and nonsense but now I have decided to write more about other issues instead. I want to express myself in ways that I have never done before, either by poem, by song or simply by a couple of words. Writing has never been so difficult until now, it took me literally the whole day to finish this post. In writing, especially in my blogs I want to be precise of the words that I use. Hopefully with time I'll get better at this.

Stuck

I have been hesitant in writing again, not because I don't have words to say but having a difficult time in expressing myself. Each time I open a new post my fingers begin to shake and I close the window down. For some reason this morning I got up and decided to write again. A friend once told me in order for me to get better at something I must practice and practice and through time I will get better. I have taken upon myself to follow his advice I will write once a day to get my writing skills better. I cannot improve if I don't practice. The time away from school has taught me a lot about myself and life itself. Each day will be a new chance for me to improve myself. It's difficult for me to move on from a place which had become a second home for years. How can I remove myself from a community that I felt safe, happy and knowledgeable. Through each class that I took over the years I learned a little bit more about myself and the person who I want to become. I may be timid, shy, quiet or whatever word you want to describe me but my passion is beyond anyone else's. I need a sign. A sign in which direction I must take. I have been thinking about moving away from California but I think it's a bit drastic or is it? I don't know. That's my answer to every question I ask myself. It's the truth. I cannot hide it.