Back to CSULB

I am completely unaware about what direction my life is heading. Today I wanted to do something spontaneous, don't get me wrong I love being at home, being isolated from the world but today I wanted something different. As I rode the Metro Blue line this morning I thought about all the many times I had been riding that train to get to school. When the doors opened on 5th station, I thought about all the people who got off that same station to get to school. Happy memories. In a way, I'm glad that I don't take the blue line anymore, as you could imagine the different people that come in and go and their drama. When I stepped into campus, it was then that I felt I was a stranger on campus like I no longer belong there. I'm siting here at the third floor of the library, thinking about my life and my future and what direction it's heading to. I remember the last time I was here, it was Spring 2013 when my friend (Erick) and I decided to study together. I know I should not be thinking about that, I'm just reminiscing my college life. In a way I feel a bit of guilt; guilty in not pursing my true calling instead I conform for what I have. Ever since I graduated from CSU Long Beach, my motivation to continue my education has wired down. I try to distract my mind with other things such as my daily workout but it doesn’t always help. At the end of the day, I feel I disappointed myself, my family and God. The reason that I came back to CSULB is to remind myself what I’m capable of. Thank goodness that I have my younger sister attending CSULB so I’m allowed to check out books, otherwise I would be stuck here reading them. I have two books that I think will help me regain consciousness about myself and what I’m supposed to do one book is called Teachers as Cultural Workers by Paulo Freire and the second book is called Chicana Feminist Thought.  In college, some of my favorite classes were my Chican@/ Latin@ Studies classes, one of them being CHLS 330 Critical Issues in Chicana and Latina Studies. I got the opportunity to learn about myself and how Latinas are represented, what roles we are forced upon, among other things. I hope I can figure out what direction should I be going?