Part 1- mi vida

Trap in my own despair

Nowhere to go

 right or left

Trying to escape of this world,

of oppression

of ignorance

of injustice

Trying to get out of this system

There are no exit signs in life, only death,

And I don’t want that,

Where to go?

What to do?

 All what I once love is gone,

Because of war and war

Life is full of betrayals and disillusions

What is one to do to escape from this reality?

I want out,

I don’t want this pressure,

The pressure of the university,

 from the professors and

even my friends,

Damn this society

Lost in a word of confusion,

Lost in a world of insanity

Just want to escape and never come back

Leave and seek adventure,

Travel beyond the waters,

Beyond those who have traveled

I want to see the world,

I want to live

Live life the fullest

Why can't that me?

Feliz Dia del Amor y La Amistad

The title says it all. It's Valentine's Day!!! WooHoo!! Yes, I'm screaming of excitement and not because I have a date or anything but I just learn to cherish each day and everything so this happens to be everything. I learn to appreciate things for good or for bad, and I know in the past this "holiday" would put me down but not this year. Hey, who said that Valentine's Day is only about love, its also about friendships and that's what I'm focusing it on. Each day I struggle to become a better person, each I try to fight off the negative and focus on the positive but how can I do with all the negative in the world. How can we celebrate love if we are in war?, How can we love each other if everyday there's violence in the homes and in the streets? It's a celebration to cherish each other and celebrating the people in our lives and our love ones.

Today's Class

Interesting conversation in class today, we talked about is it easy to create a movement or is it even possible to create a movement? Or if so, do you think students will be up for it? I was engage through the teacher's comments but as well as my fellow colleagues but until the discussion got intense and that's where I got mad. Some comments, what's the point of the resource centers for each culture, why segregate, if we all the same resources available to us? I understood that aspect but as I felt that person should understand yes, it's true but there are some students who come to campus for the first time lost and don't where to go. The cultural resource centers are a way for them to get familiar with the system even perhaps to be more connected to their culture, what's the harm in that? Anyways, it's the students choice to use the resource center or not, we, the community, want that option to be available for them.  I feel angered but yet accepting the fact everything said was true. I feel that eagerness to change how Latinos are treated in this campus. I mean its true, that we all should be united as one but people should understand as Latinos we tend to have that need to help people well for me that this. By helping, not only the Latino community, or the campus community but for everyone that I'll be working after college. Studying and learning about my culture taking this classes has made me aware me more the issues occurring in my community and it happens to be important for me. And no, I'm not ignoring the other cultures but it would be nice if we could incorporate others in our struggle. The struggle to see our community grow, have more people of our ethnicity making their lives better. How will we achieve this if we don't offer them a safe space of belonging, maybe perhaps it may bring segregation but we should also foster in networking with others in our campus. We should balance, so we could develop people who aren't only secluded from their culture but nor from the rest of the community. 

Chillin' Friday Night

What a day! Rain, Sun and Hale on the same day that's crazy. Was mother nature trying to tell us something? I think so, and the temperatures aren't going to get to better. What am I doing here on a Friday night you may ask? No Plans? Not exactly, I had plans to go out tonight to chill with my fellow Hermanas but then I started thinking about if I'm okay to go back to that life. If I'm okay with myself to deal with the drinking and fun that I once had. It's not that I don't want to go back but its that there's something bothering me right now and I feel like I shouldn't take it out at the party. I don't want to go in with it and be the reason that I drink. I want to drink because I want to have fun and not to waste myself. At least now I'm getting better to control when and when not to drink. Anyways I had my fun last Wednesday with my closest friends Stephanie and Hannali. Maybe next time... there's always the semester party to look out.

Blurrr.... damn this cold weather I don't know if I could handle this one more day. Luckily I'm finding a solution to this, a hot chocolate while watching an old favorite TV show Thats 70s show. Oh I missed this show so much. Trying to get comfy here, hey what better way I could spend my Friday Night. :)

I'm a strong, independent woman

Every time I break down, I tell myself that is GOD there for me and I do think he is here but sometimes that is not enough to cheer me up. I know I brag that I'm a new person but it seems that my old me is here within me and it's not going to leave any time soon. I keep telling myself that I'm strong and I won't let anyone or anything to bring me down. But sometimes words are only words and what counts is actions. I need to believe that I'm strong but hey I'm only a girl. That's too much to ask for a girl who is emotional damage since day 1. Damn it, why am always complaining while others have worst problems with me? Why am I self-centered? I don't like about myself, if I had one wish it would be a bit more outgoing and being able to help others without thinking about me. I know that's possible and it will I will accomplish that.

New Me: a personal transformation

      Not a beauty transformation but a spiritual one. I want to say that this time around I won't make mistakes, that I won't fall into temptation but I know that hard to say because we are all humans and we all make mistakes. After this wonderful experience that I came to live on Saturday, I learn so much about myself through God's eyes, I know that we women have problems even though sometimes we don't want to admit to ourselves, sometimes we just pretend its not there but in reality it is and it's not going away until you admit it and find a solution. I know because I've lived it all my life until I turn to God who helped me step by step along the way realizing that I'm special and with faith and trust,  my problems will soon disappear.
      At first I thought it was impossible to forget what happen, and if  I just pretended that it never happen I would just leave me alone. But when a time came that I was approached the problem again, as much as I tried to avoid it, my surroundings reminded me of it. So I decided to confide in God and even though I was scared and afraid that he wasn't going to help me because of my past but something in me realize that God forgets what I did if I truly am sorry and willing to past it. Since that reconnection with God I have been looking out at the choices that I make, perhaps I'm tempted to make the same mistakes but the faith in me has allowed me to surpass them.
     I might not be that perfect daughter but I'm trying to better myself. I know it's going to take time but I won't give up. No more foolish games, no more depending my happiness on guys, no more self-centered Maggie, I want to be myself, helping others and most important focus on my career and of course live in faith of God. Because I know if I have faith and everything else will follow.