Melt Down

So many things are in my mind right now at this moment it's like my mind is going to explode any second. I mean, seriously, there's the conflict of Raza and MEcha, then there's the supreme court case of Prop 8 that I want to be aware of, and then of course there's my class work that tons to do before Spring Break. Oh great, these next few days are going to be torture but it's going to be worth it because next week is Spring Break. I'm all excited for this week to get here but I really don't have much plan for next week. I mean, I had my fun when I went to Vegas with my friends so what's left? Maybe heading out to the beach oh that's if the sun decides to stay here with us. Well I know that I'm going to spend some time with little sis, as this friday is her 18th birthday and I'm planning to make it special for her. So practically, I'm just going to wing it during spring break will see. 

I know I should be focus, but how can I if I have a lot in my head right now? I guess I deserve this pressure and stress because I'm always leaving my work at the end which sucks. Oh great! You know what bothers me from my English class or any class that I have to write papers, getting the papers all mark up saying that I fix my grammar. Perhaps, my writing needs improvement but I'm sick and tired that each class I feel down because of it. When I'm handed the paper back, I just fold the paper and throw it in my bag because I know the final result. It's either, Fix your grammar or Come in and see me during office hours. How embarrassing!!! I feel if there's something wrong with me, I hate that I have to get reminded each class; I know that writing is essential when it comes to graduate school and yes, eventually I need to get better but why do the teachers torture me with this. I just want to cry whenever I get a paper back. It's not my fault that I grew up a Spanish-speaking home, it's not my fault that I love Spanish than English. I feel useless, when I see that other people get full credit for their assignments and me with a lower grade, I just sit there and think why can't I write like them. One thing I have learn that class is that writing is a process and it takes time... the word time is the keyword. Sometimes I just don't have the patience to sit down in front of the computer and think about each sentence that I'm writing; to see if the sentence is grammatically correct.  

I seek Freedom. Freedom from rules of writing. I want to break the rules, rules of society, rules that don't allow us to be ourselves. $hit I'm tired of everything being so complicated. I know life is not complicated, 

we, as people make it complicated and we must loose that. Writing allows me to relax, focus, and loose all my anxiety that I have in my body. Free write allows me to express all this fear, anxiety, stress, emotional and anger on paper or on a blog. Ahhhhh!!!! I just want this week to be over.... :) Even better the semester to be over.