Reflection

There is not one day that I sit in front of the computer and immediately start working on my work unless I'm procrastinating, which is most of the time. I usually on social media sites such as Facebook or twitter or even in blogger, writing my nonsense. I just got here from La Raza Resource Center, literally I was falling asleep so I decided to walk out and come down here knowing that at least I was going to get some things done. But yet, I still find myself distracted with my writing. I probably should dedicate my rest of life in writing but nah! I look at the time in the corner of the screen it says 5:22pm and I think to myself I have an hour or so to work on what I came here to do but yet I just want to keep on writing my thoughts, my ideas, my feelings even though I promised my self that I wasn't going to talk about anymore but in general anything that I see or I have an opinion but to afraid to speak out.

The purpose of this blog is just to express my ideas or anything that I have in my mind; just to let out some steam and hopefully people read it. Yes, I do write for the purpose for people to read it but my blog isn't that great so eh. But mainly this blog is for me, to make me aware about my life and everything around it. Daily my postings have been about my own life, that's great and all but I feel I'm not capturing the essence of my writing. I want to speak about the world, the community, the injustices and violence; but it seems like people now in days get the news from media sites such as Facebook and Twitter. But hey, I'm trying... and even if it takes time away from what really counts my education. Essentially I want to become a person who changes the community, one day...

Melt Down

So many things are in my mind right now at this moment it's like my mind is going to explode any second. I mean, seriously, there's the conflict of Raza and MEcha, then there's the supreme court case of Prop 8 that I want to be aware of, and then of course there's my class work that tons to do before Spring Break. Oh great, these next few days are going to be torture but it's going to be worth it because next week is Spring Break. I'm all excited for this week to get here but I really don't have much plan for next week. I mean, I had my fun when I went to Vegas with my friends so what's left? Maybe heading out to the beach oh that's if the sun decides to stay here with us. Well I know that I'm going to spend some time with little sis, as this friday is her 18th birthday and I'm planning to make it special for her. So practically, I'm just going to wing it during spring break will see. 

I know I should be focus, but how can I if I have a lot in my head right now? I guess I deserve this pressure and stress because I'm always leaving my work at the end which sucks. Oh great! You know what bothers me from my English class or any class that I have to write papers, getting the papers all mark up saying that I fix my grammar. Perhaps, my writing needs improvement but I'm sick and tired that each class I feel down because of it. When I'm handed the paper back, I just fold the paper and throw it in my bag because I know the final result. It's either, Fix your grammar or Come in and see me during office hours. How embarrassing!!! I feel if there's something wrong with me, I hate that I have to get reminded each class; I know that writing is essential when it comes to graduate school and yes, eventually I need to get better but why do the teachers torture me with this. I just want to cry whenever I get a paper back. It's not my fault that I grew up a Spanish-speaking home, it's not my fault that I love Spanish than English. I feel useless, when I see that other people get full credit for their assignments and me with a lower grade, I just sit there and think why can't I write like them. One thing I have learn that class is that writing is a process and it takes time... the word time is the keyword. Sometimes I just don't have the patience to sit down in front of the computer and think about each sentence that I'm writing; to see if the sentence is grammatically correct.  

I seek Freedom. Freedom from rules of writing. I want to break the rules, rules of society, rules that don't allow us to be ourselves. $hit I'm tired of everything being so complicated. I know life is not complicated, 

we, as people make it complicated and we must loose that. Writing allows me to relax, focus, and loose all my anxiety that I have in my body. Free write allows me to express all this fear, anxiety, stress, emotional and anger on paper or on a blog. Ahhhhh!!!! I just want this week to be over.... :) Even better the semester to be over.

Just Live Life...

Not sure how to describe this amazing feeling of life; it's like my life got restored again. Living life to the fullest now; I've learn something important these last few days, YOLO (You only live once) and indeed that is true. At first didn't believe in it but now I do. I have this amazing spirit in me and I just hope that it doesn't go away. I just don't care anymore, or anyone. I just want to live and experience new things. I just want to jump up and down and move...travel to other places. Seize the moment, do what you want, don't think about it. Over thinking is just bad, just go for it, if you want to have sex with a random just for it, what's stopping you. hahaha . No more worries, no more thinking, no more anything but just go with it. That sounds like fun huh? I wish my life was so simple, just doing whatever the fuck we want without any complications. Since my adventure in VEGAS this weekend, my perspective of life has changed and has made to proclaim my new motto in life, no more this or that but living it to the fullest. I just don’t give a shit what people say anymore. I’m tired of this; I’m that bitch that who gives a shit what people tell her. I want to walk around campus with a smile in my face and not worry what the other person is thinking. Just smile and greet the people I come across in my path. No need to complicate things further. I’m tired of letting my emotions getting the best of me. I can’t let them control of me and I’m not, not anymore. I will never get anywhere if I keep letting them control me. Ya no. S*** I’m fucken’ tired of this bull shit.

Peace Out! 

 

Grad Fair 2013

One word, GRADUATION. Graduation/ Commencement season has begun here in Cal State Long Beach. As many are nervously preparing themselves for what their could be their last semester here at Long Beach as others are just step away from receiving their diploma. Many crowd up at the school's bookstore trying to order their Cap and Gowns as well inform about other festivities that might be an interest in. For instance, the Chicano Latino Graduation Celebration (CLGC), a cultural graduation that celebrates the accomplishments of the fellow graduate. What is different among the other commencements, is that this festivity involves the Chican@/Latin@ community, that includes their friends and families. It's more cultural and family oriented. Wouldn't you want to go to a celebration that has a sense of culture and speak  the native language so your family could be part of? Yeah, of course right.

Getting back to I was saying, this week has been Grad Fair Week people just buying their necessities for that moment of joy. Honestly, I was nervous stepping my foot inside because I knew that I wouldn't know what to expect. So early this morning, I walk in those double doors, I was completely lost, I didn't know where to go. I felt that I had lost of direction. Then, I stop and realize that this was it, I'm practically done with school. After struggling this last few years I was finally going to step on stage and get recognize that I was done. Even though I'm not done until December, still just thinking about this big accomplishment just scares me. After being in school for so long, I'm just speechless. I went back later on the day and  this time with the accompany with my two friends Linda and Blanca, I didn't feel so lost anymore.

Crisis Mode is where I am right now? Not yet believing that by the end of 2013 I won't no longer be a student here at CSULB. Long Beach as been indeed a second home, all the memories with my friends... ah I can't start, not now. I don't want to cry. I'll stop for now.

I still have a full year of memories... lets go BEACH! C/o 2013

Unfortunate Accident

Yesterday, I stood rather I should say I sat here in the face of the computer trying to come up with the right words to say at a moment like this. A moment that every family faces at some time or another, the tragedy of a loved one passing away. It may be due to sickness or accident, either way or another its a difficult time for the family and friends of the person. We must remain strong and have faith that this happen for a reason and not think negatively; we know that at some point we will have to go that's why I think it's always live life the fullest. We do not know when it's going to be our last. I speak to this because a tragedy struck at Cal Poly Pomona on Thursday, a fellow Hermano Ivan Aguilar was hit by a car while riding his bike and unfortunately he passed away. I am sadden of his passing, [I say passing instead of death because I know he is not really dead, he still alive in the hearts of those who were close to them as well as his family]; he was called upon to God's glory that's all what I want to say. Even though I didn't have the pleasure in meeting him; I could tell that he was one of those guys that could have been a great friend. I want to send all my prayers to him and his family and friends. This might be the hardest thing they are facing and I want to send them all my unconditional support. His memory will remain in the hearts of those who knew him, think about the happy times, don’t let this passing be a sad one, just think, Ivan would have not want anyone to be sadden by his passing but a great one, he had fortunate to meet all the wonderful people in his life and thanks god for letting him to experience that. I know this a difficult time for Ivan’s family as well many of HU & HaU families, but we must remember what would he want us to do at this time? I not only speak of Ivan's situation but many families as well, each day somewhere out there accidents happen like this. Some are fortunate to live and others do not. We must pray for all the families, and all friends that have gone through this situation and help them heal.