Losing my touch?

For the last few days I have been wanting to write another blog post but I just don't know how to start. I don't know why I'm finding a difficulty in writing if writing has been my secure blanket for years and now I'm lucky if I'm able to get a sentence out. I suppose that I might be losing my touch and it sucks because writing has always been a way for me to express what I hold within. What am I suppose to do if I do indeed lose this talent? Perhaps I may not had recruited a lot of readers but I don't write for readers but for myself. For each blog post, I let out steam, I let out frustration, I let out feelings that kill me. People don't understand what one goes through in life, as an individual we face our problems, our fears, and sadness. There are people who are good at hiding these feelings while others are sensible, fragile human beings like me that can't hide. Hold on, that's a lie, I do hide, I hide between each word, in each comma and each letter. How can I lose my touch? I can not if I do, who will I be then? Just a 24- year old Latina girl, who has a college degree, jobless, still lives with her parents. I can't afford to lose this talent, writing defines who I am. I may not be great in grammar but who said in order to write we must be good at it. I'm not a professional so grammar does not apply to me, writing is a hobby and grammar does not apply. I have to apply myself each day if I want to become a daily blogger. I need inspiration to write I think that's my problem. Since I graduated from Long Beach, there has been a lack of inspiration, what inspiration, I mean drama. In a way I missed it because with it I'm able to write about it but at the same time I'm glad that I don't have deal with anything. I think I finally found peace, not only with the people who I cared about but also within myself. Letting go is hard. I guess at the end of the day, I'm not really losing my touch I just need to apply myself harder to write about more important things other than myself.

Sunday Night

For the last couple of days I have been trying to get myself together so I could write again, but the words don't come out naturally how I had hope. When I thought about what it took be a writer, I would have thought that the words and ideas would come out naturally. But in the contrary, I learn that it takes a lot of thought to get words on paper well in this case on this blog. Here, I am sitting here thinking of all the stuff I have on my mind rather than getting ready to go bed. While everyone that I know is studying or writing essays here I am just wasting my time writing...

Where life takes you...

2014. February 7

There is a point in life that you realize that you're no longer that same girl who you once were. Either she's far gone nowhere to be seen or just hidden beneath your inner self, either way you are no longer the same. This girl on the right is the person who I grew up to be, not the shy and quiet girl but the strong and fearless woman. I might of had a rough start but I have manage to get where I am today. It doesn't matter how you start what's important is that you finish.


 

2007. June 14

I cannot believe where life took me, after all the bad experiences I went through I'm glad that I'm here today. It's strange how time flies so quickly. Not to long ago, this girl on the left, my high school self, use to be me. As I think about the memories, i think about how much hurt I was carrying me within the four years in high school. No wonder I did what I did, and no wonder I didn't maintain close relationships with my high school friends. I just wish I had a guide in surviving high school, I wish had someone to walk me though my feelings and anxieties. But things work out for the best, in a way, maybe the way I wanted but I'm here now, a college grad.

As I reflect back, I think about the decisions I've made and I think about what type of person I've become. It's true what people say about it takes time to get over someone or get over a memory. It took me a while to overcome my struggles and my insecurities. And through each experience and each decision, I learned more about myself and life in general and sometimes it takes several tries to get it right.

Expression

Each time I open a new post I hear myself engaging a conversation with the world. I feel that I'm able to let out all my frustrations, worries and emptiness to the world. I sit here in the empty house where I live in and think what about everything. I think about the drought in California, the immigration reform, the violence in Mexico, the education system, among other issues occurring around the nation. My mind is full of interesting thoughts and nobody to share them until now. I will take my blogging skills and I will write about anything that fascinates me. I know in the past I have written pure drama and nonsense but now I have decided to write more about other issues instead. I want to express myself in ways that I have never done before, either by poem, by song or simply by a couple of words. Writing has never been so difficult until now, it took me literally the whole day to finish this post. In writing, especially in my blogs I want to be precise of the words that I use. Hopefully with time I'll get better at this.

Stuck

I have been hesitant in writing again, not because I don't have words to say but having a difficult time in expressing myself. Each time I open a new post my fingers begin to shake and I close the window down. For some reason this morning I got up and decided to write again. A friend once told me in order for me to get better at something I must practice and practice and through time I will get better. I have taken upon myself to follow his advice I will write once a day to get my writing skills better. I cannot improve if I don't practice. The time away from school has taught me a lot about myself and life itself. Each day will be a new chance for me to improve myself. It's difficult for me to move on from a place which had become a second home for years. How can I remove myself from a community that I felt safe, happy and knowledgeable. Through each class that I took over the years I learned a little bit more about myself and the person who I want to become. I may be timid, shy, quiet or whatever word you want to describe me but my passion is beyond anyone else's. I need a sign. A sign in which direction I must take. I have been thinking about moving away from California but I think it's a bit drastic or is it? I don't know. That's my answer to every question I ask myself. It's the truth. I cannot hide it.