Things in my mind

Just another night wasting my time rather doing productive actions. It has been a habit of mine for several years now and it seems getting worst by the minute. Not sure if it's because I love procrastination or I'm just lazy. Well this time is neither, for the past few days my thoughts have been controlling me and controlling my actions. A lot of uncertain things have been on my mind these couple of days. Things that have been troubling me such as school, friends and life after December. I have been quiet about how stressful I feel because I don't want things to end. As I try to remain calm about everything there is a bit of anxiety rushing down my veins. Not knowing what to do scares me because I thought by now I would have everything in place but in reality I'm not. I mean I know where I want to be but not sure how to get there. On the other hand, my love life, you may be wondering about Edgar* and Ricky* well happy to say that I'm not dating neither of them at the moment. With Edgar* he just completely disappeared and with Ricky* while I have been texting him for several weeks now and I want to say that something is growing there but I feel nothing towards him. I want things to work out with him because I found him so passionate and interesting I might fall for him hard but I don't understand why haven't I done so already? Is there something or someone preventing me to fall for him? I don't understand myself and my emotions. But this is least of my problems at least for right now...

Taking a Breather

Writing how one feels is hard. Thinking deep and reach down to the core of your soul and write how you feel is some hard stuff. This is has been a difficult process for me just because I don’t like sharing my feelings to anyone. But I realize that letting go of some of these emotions help me out relieve some stress and be more calm with myself. Sorry to bring this up but I guess I felt important to start of my blog post today. But right now, I'm mistakenly insane, with school (projects, essays, hours), while searching what I'm going to do with the rest of my life after December but also thinking about individual #1(Edgar*) and individual #2 (Ricky*). I just want to take time to write and write and let off some steam before getting back to non-stop working. 

Just breathe, Maggie. I tell myself when I feel I'm overwhelming myself with school.Sometimes it works and other times it takes a while. 

How am I doing? Is the BIG question. I don't know, I haven't stop and thought about it. I mean, yeah I'm doing well compared to other days, I'm keeping myself busy and not letting my thoughts kill me. That's good right? With school, I'm trying to take it day by day and try to do as much as I can before my lazy gene kicks in and surprisingly it hasn't so far. With the certain individuals, not sure yet and I don't think I have time to think thoroughly... 

Well lets see how the rest of the day turns out. 

F.Y.I I'm sick. yes again! :(

Not sure where i am at

Not sure how I feel right at this moment... I'm scared and unsure about what I got myself into. A lot has happen since my last post and it needs to be told. Get this last Wednesday I received an unexpected visitor at school, it was Edgar*. I totally freaked, especially when he told me he wanted to see me. I was in the middle of working on my midterm, I received a call from him asking for my help and I can't say no to him. I know it was bad from my part by paying more attention to him than my midterm but i just had to. I wanted answers. Answers to why he had bailed on me. I walked rapidly to our spot and there he was sitting. He walked towards me and hug me. In that instance, I had forgotten what I was feeling (my anxieties from school) in that moment; as if his hug cure my feelings of stress. He grab my hand and sat me in his lap and ask me, how am I feeling? I smiled. In that moment all these feelings for him rushed back in my body, for a moment I felt like the world froze for a moment, like if time had stop. As if we were the only ones there and all of the sudden our lips touch. After that tender, sweet, soft, smooth kiss I glance at his gorgeous brown-hazel eyes and he told me he came to school so we would talk about us and how he wants to make things work between us. When he said those exactly those words, my whole body shaken with joy, because I cannot believe it. The reason I name my post not sure where i am at, even though we agreed that we would make this works has made me think about what's going to happen next. ???? Did I made the right choice? What about the other individual? Ricky*? Not sure where things are going? I really don't want to overwhelm myself with these thoughts but I just want to make sure I made the right choice.

I need a sign!!!! So confused. ?? I know I shouldn't be...  because finally I'm with the guy whom I have been dreaming about but I shouldn't be doubting. Please Help.