Time for a change

Anger! Frustration! Guilt! Unhappy! I look down and what I see is a big belly hanging, not too long ago that belly didn’t exist maybe it did but it wasn’t so big. What happen? I asked myself, a question of no job and no exercise is what happen. Each day I look at myself in my mirror and this is all what I see. A big belly and big thighs. I just can’t believe I let the summer get the best of me, why? I guess I knew that I had no one to impress so I let myself go and didn’t worry about how I look like but this time I went too far. I must confess, I have gotten to a part that none of my jeans fit me anymore. I feel ashamed and angry at myself for letting my body get this big. I know, body image is not important but it’s important to feel good about oneself right? How can I like the way I look if none of my clothes fit me anymore. I feel disgusted about myself and I need to change.

I don’t want to go in life eating and eating without worrying about my health. I need to stop and think about it. I could prevent diseases. I must take action. I just can’t sit back and do nothing. This time I must keep going if I decide to change. I talk the talk but never walk the walk. I start by exercising but after a while I stop. I keep putting myself excuses to stop and that is just unacceptable.

I don’t know what else to do, sometimes I feel hopeless. I must keep myself motivated and stop myself from being a couch potato and do something. I sometimes I feel like I don’t have support from my family. I wish they could help me with this difficulty I’m having. And sometimes I feel like what’s the point if I don’t have support, but today I realize if I want to change I must do it myself even if I don’t get the support I need. I need to have self-control and be motivated to get to my goal. I need to change. I just need to. I don’t want to lie in a hospital bed when it’s too late.  

It's her turn now

As my undergrad career is coming to an end, my little sister's is just beginning. Today is her SOAR orientation here on campus (CSULB) and as she was registering this morning, I just couldn't believe that the little girl I use to pick on is all grown up. It's sad how the years go by, I actually remember when my mother had brought her back from the hospital after two weeks she was born. I was so excited and blessed that I was going to be her big sister. Perhaps we may have our little arguments and sometimes she may get in my nerves I still love this little girl. She may not be a little girl anymore but for she will always be my little sister. I love her each day and I'm blessed to have her in my life. Until this day, every decision she makes I give her 110% support, perhaps sometimes I may disagree with the decisions she makes but who am I to judge her right? I'm sad but at the same time I'm happy that she's here; I want to let her know that I'm proud of her and I'm always going to be here for her. There are no words how I feel right now. As she was walking away to her orientation, tears of joy were dripping from my face, I just cannot believe she's here in college. I saw myself in her 6 years ago when it was me who was standing there. I hope her college experience is a great one and hopefully she get out of her comfort zone and go nuts. Well not crazy but you know, be outgoing and just have fun. I know her and sometimes I worry she will be like me, shut down and won't be take advantage of what college has lined up for her.