A Great Feeling

9:50pm

Writing again, oh what a great feeling it to be writing again after such a long absence; it feels like a great joy has re-entered into my life. You do not know how long it has been since I sat down and wrote. I mean, write anything really. At some moments of the days I just want to stop and write, I want to write about random stuff, things that I see, that I hear; things that I want to remember. In other terms, today turned out to be an okay day for being the first day of summer school. Just like I had mention before I enrolled into summer school at El Camino Compton Center. No, it’s not another excuse to not to work but an opportunity to enhanced my resume, I want to do as much as I can out of my education. Many may stop at their B.A and have a good life but I want more than that, I want a life beyond that, I want to give my life to the community and to the world. For reason today I was reminded what I want to do with my life. I sometimes forget with all the crazy mess I’m in but I’m glad that I was reminded again and this time I could be focus. 

well time to sleep, i no longer have the privilege to sleep late.  

Writing Again.

10:28pm.

I do not know what has gotten me into a deep funk, for some reason I complain about everything in my surroundings and usually that is not me. I guess this staying at home crap is getting on my nerves and just want to get out do something with my life. I have been looking for jobs for the summer and nothing.  What am I supposed to do, I’m getting tired of this and just want to live. My mother is right, at some point one gets tired of staying home and gets fed up. That’s me, I need to think of something to entertain me, something that will get me in my feet again, something to motivate me. For starters I did subscribe myself into summer school, I’m taking a child development class; that will help me to earn my Child Development Permit.  I want to get ahead, beyond my B.A in Liberal Studies, I want to keep my options open. I know it’s going to be more work, at the end I know it’s worth it.  What matters is helping the community and our future leaders, the kids. I try not to be negative, but sometimes it gets to me. I cannot let it control my mind because I know when it does I get into a mood and I hate that.  Writing is the only thing that relaxes me and prevents it to worsen. I just hate that I can’t control my own emotions, my own feelings… that’s the thing I don’t love about me is that I’m so sensitive, I’m weak when it comes to my emotions. I let a single thing get over me and I know that’s bad but can I do, rip my emotions out. I can’t, I’ve tried… I try to live day by day, working on myself like exercising, eating right and writing but sometimes I feel that it’s not enough. I thought that by now, I would be okay but I’m not. I guess I have to keep trying and I hope with the help of God I will be good someday…

So long… for now.  I need my beauty sleep too J